A quick update on progress with #17 - Stop biting my nails. I realize that I never really set a baseline of where I was starting from when I set this as a part of my list. Let me clarify...
I've been biting and picking at my nails for as long as I can remember. (It's a not-so-awesome habit I'm quite sure was learned by watching my dad who is also a chronic biter/picker.) Growing up I always had short, jagged nails. I recall once in fourth grade my mom was able to get me to stop for a period of time. There was some form of a positive incentive involved (as would be typical for my mom's style of motivating others). However, thinking back I cannot remember exactly how she motivated me to stop for that short time, only that she helped to reinforce my efforts by painting my nails often for me.
Never since have I even attempted to stop biting or picking my nails. I came to simply accept it as a part of my fidgety personality. Throughout high school and college I would get my nails done with acrylics for special occasions like dances and formals, but it was never more than 2-3 weeks later when they had grown out and I had picked them off to return again to an even more jagged and weakened state.
For the past four years or so I've been going regularly to Star Nail in South County to get acryilic nails put on, filled, and refilled every 2-3 weeks. (Yes, I drive the 23 miles from the city because I've never found anyone who can do them so consistently well and fast as Tammy.) I always ask that they be filed "very short" so as not to bother me as they grow out over the coming weeks. Somewhat sad that nails just barely visible over my fingertips are fake, but that's been my reality for years now.
With fake nails I haven't been able to pick my real nails to their former ragged status, but perhaps I deserve some creative credit for the ways I've found to mutilate them despite the acrylic barrier in the way. Peeling and picking away my natural nail underneath the acrylic nail has been a regular activity. Utilizing paperclips and mechanical pencils as tools, I have many times been guilty of fidgeting with my real nails (to the point of bleeding!) in meetings and work. In fact, I happen to think I've developed a high tolerance for pain in my fingers simply due to all of the self-inflicted damage I've done to them over the years.
Biting has remained a problem too. Many times I've become obsessed over "getting" that flagging piece of skin or cuticle around my nail bed. I have regularly gnawed at my thumbs and fingers until only a nasty, bleeding mess remained. If you'd like a visual of what I'm talking about, here's a picture from February of last year:
So there - baseline set. I'm a chronic nail picker and cuticle biter and have been for as long as I can remember. What motivates me to pick and bite as I do? To this day I haven't been able to figure it out entirely, but know that it's at least partly to do with nerves, boredom, anxious energy, and my fidgety tendencies. Why did I put this on my Operation 30 list? Because I was tired of having bloody nails and cuticles and viewed it as a good mental challenge to tackle.
How am I doing so far? Despite some procrastinated efforts in starting on this one, I'm making progress. Seven out of ten of my formerly mutilated phalanges are looking beautiful. The other three? Honestly, not bad, but still showing signs of healing from a recent attack. If you don't believe me, here's proof:
Like my new nail polish? (I do!) It's different for me, but I saw something similar in my Women's Health magazine this past month and decided to give it a try. Something fun for the upcoming St. Pat's festivities, I suppose. It's also part of my strategy to overly focus on how much I like my nails and don't want them to look like a bloody, jagged mess. So far, so good, but I'm still trying to do some psycho-analysis on when I actually start to fidget. It's become such a part of my subconscious that it's harder than I thought to catch myself in the act to trace back why I started in the first place. Therefore if anyone sees me picking or biting my nails in person, you officially have permission to stop me using gentle but firm tactics (meaning flicking, not slapping).
I'm also considering picking up pen twirling as a substitute outlet for my fidgety energy. Apologies in advance for anyone I throw a pen at as I build my expertise. :-)
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